What exactly am I after

I never felt so regret.
The moment I turned the paper to the last page,my blood went cold.
No Venice,No healthcare.
How shitty can that be.
Rawrrrrrrrrrrr,totally disappointment canzxzzzzz.
damn,at least I know a tiny winy teeny lil bit of globalisation or else watch me die.
I was totally writing crap las pleasezxzzzzzzz,damn screwed.
on a happier note,chem was way easier except the part they asked molecularmass definition-.-
2 marks goneee,-.-

anyway,my life is in a whirl right now.
everything's so complicated.
It was A at first then came B.
DEN C and D came.
ohmygod,kill me pleasezxzzzz.
felt damn bad+guilty.
is haunting me like seriously damn bad.
especially during this critical period(!)(!).
anyway,have settle with A and B.
now with C and D.
okay,worst,I KNOWWW.
alright,am off nowwwwwww.

I don't wish things to end up this way.
I don't mean it.
I just don't wish to lift you high up and drop you down,
cause I know how terrible it feels inside,
especially when you carry such high hopes.
Sorry.

It was yesterday then I realise,
I was being replaced.
I woke up to reality.
It was impossible,
each and every time I was just finding excuses to escape from reality.
To escape from the ugly truth.